Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
