Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
