I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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