I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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