we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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