Fuck appropriateness.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
