..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
