Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
