Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
