Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
