Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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