His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
