So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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