Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
