Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
