I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
