I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
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I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
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My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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