One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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