i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Damn victory sex feels great
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
