then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
