cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
