So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
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listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
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New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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