Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You need a sexual gate keeper
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Randomize
