Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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