Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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