I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
