Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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