I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
