Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
