the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
