thus making me awesome and them whores
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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