He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
