i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
