Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
