And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
