are you so shy because you have an std?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
