pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Soap is not a condiment
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
