As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
as a side note pls kill me
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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