from now on my penis is your penis
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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