I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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