so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
