After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
