there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
