Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize