Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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