My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize