put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My brain says no but my pants say off.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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