we made out on top of his cat.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
