Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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