mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
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im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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