I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
