We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
