So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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