Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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