So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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