You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
