don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
