There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
