I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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