thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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