why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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