Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
