I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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