Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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