he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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