My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
