make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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