Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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