i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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